My Love/Hate Relationship With Routines

I've heard it said that it takes 30 days to develop a habit / form a routine.  I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean. On that magical 31st day, do "normal" people just automatically start doing what they've been practicing for the past 30 days without having to think about it?  That would be nice.

Here's how it goes for me - I do really well at the start but IF I make it to the 30 day mark, I might keep it up for a few days or even a week longer, then something disrupts my routine and *poof* it's gone, never to return. For me, a routine broken is far harder to re-establish than it was to build in the first place. I don't know why. Maybe it's that the novelty of creating something new is gone. I've notice that my brain does NOT like to re-do anything. It never has. Can anyone out there relate or is it just me?

Of course, that doesn't stop me from trying to establish new habits and routines.  Last week, I started a bullet journal. I have high hopes for it since the method was developed by a person with ADHD. I decided not to get too fancy with it yet. It's just a steno pad and so far, I use it for EVERYTHING. Work and home are combined because, really, who can tell the difference since COVID?  Work is in darker, cool colors and home is in bright sunny colors. This week, it's dark purple and hot pink. When I finish a task it's crossed off with a big black X.  I love those X-es!

My first weekend doing bullet journaling, I was a productivity powerhouse.  I combined my to-do list with the Pomodoro method we discussed in my ADHD support group and wow!  I got more housework done in one day than I normally do in a month. No joke.  

In case you're wondering, Pomodoro is basically doing work in 25 minute sprints with, I think a 5 minute break in between.  I modified it a bit. I did 25 minutes of housework followed by 25 minutes of culling and organizing vacation photos (I took over 3,000 photos in one week. YIKES!).  I finished ALL of the laundry including folding and putting it away.  Scrubbed the master bathroom, got through about a third of the photos, published a newsletter for my church website, uploaded and tagged about 30 audio files, completed the agenda for the next website meeting and cleaned the laundry room (since it was devoid of piles of clothes).

Here's a random Pied Billed Grebe for your enjoyment.

The impact at work hasn't been quite as dramatic since work already required some structure and motivation (as much as I might complain about work, I do like that paycheck!). Since starting the journal, I am finding that I'm not forgetting things as often and I am doing a better job of following up on requests.  I just hope I can keep it up. The pace at work is pretty frantic and it's not going to get better anytime soon. It doesn't help that my responsibilities range from system administrator, to developer, to digital workplace manager and, oh.. I'm also the IT liaison to Marketing.  That last one is the most recent and, I'm figuring out as I go.  Let me tell you, IT and Marketing do NOT speak the same language!

But.. I digress. Back to the bullet journal and routines. As I said, I am hopeful that this will last a while. I just have to switch it up every once in a while to keep it interesting. Maybe I'll do something with Washi tape next.

Hmmm... while I'm thinking about it, I better add a bullet for my next blog post. maybe that way It will get written before another 2 1/2 years go by.  :)

Lost And Found

I lost my keys. Again.  Nothing new there, it happens just about every day.  The thing that made this time all the more frustrating was that yesterday, I saw my keys on my desk where they didn't belong so I dutifully picked them up with the intention of putting them in my purse.  I headed upstairs to my room but somewhere along the way I got distracted. I have no idea what distracted me.  The distance from my desk to my room is not far, less than 25 seconds at a leisurely pace.  It took less than 25 seconds for me to completely forget about my keys.
This morning, I needed my keys.  I was sure they were in my purse since the last thing I remembered was taking them upstairs but they weren't there. They HAD to be there, I just put them there yesterday! 
I emptied my purse.  No luck.
I retraced my steps trying to remember the last thing I did with them.  Again, no luck.
I looked in the craft room, the bathroom, my bedroom, on my desk. Nothing.
At this point I felt the all too familiar anger rising and the accusatory inner voices shouting: 
"How could I be so stupid?" 
"Really??? Really, is it THAT hard to complete the simple task of putting my keys away?" 
"Why didn't I just leave them on my desk?"
"WHY do I have to go through this PRACTICALLY EVERY DAY???"
I was on the verge of completely melting down but I managed to regain a shred of self control.  Getting angry wasn't going to solve anything.  So I tried retracing my steps one more time. When I got to my room, I looked down at the pile of clothes on the floor. What was I wearing yesterday?  My blue jeans.  Could I have put them in my pocket? Possibly. I checked. They were there. Disaster averted. 
This is life with ADHD. Sometimes it gets really tiring.

Hyperfocus

I've been thinking about writing a post about focus for about a month now and finally decided today is the day (thanks Jeanne!). A common misconception about people with ADHD is that they are completely unable to maintain focus. That's simply not true. If you can capture our attention we can focus longer and more intently than a neuro-typical person. We can focus to the point where nothing else in the world exists. Not food, not sleep, not time, nothing but the thing that has our attention. It's often referred to as hyperfocus and it is glorious (unless you starve to death, then it kind of sucks).  When I'm in a state of hyperfocus, it's like all the doors in my mind have unlocked and I am free to learn and explore.  Hyperfocus is a very fragile state, however, and if I'm interrupted it is practically impossible to dive back in where I left off.

This excerpt from my journal explains it best:

My thoughts are a spun glass palace.  The connections fragile, but beautiful, each corridor flowing naturally into the next.  The towers rise in in harmony to the heavens, music emanates from each one as wind gently blows through open windows.  Each room within the palace has its purpose, one simple, the next magnificent.  All are interconnected with elegant crystal pathways.  I lose myself in its creation.

Suddenly a boulder crashes through.  My beautiful palace begins to shatter.  I desperately try to make repairs, but a second boulder crashes in.  The boulders continue to wreak destruction.  Shards of glass rain down around my head and shoulders and lie broken, unrecognizable, and irreparable beneath my feet. 

I sweep up the shards and return them to the furnace to begin again, desperately trying to recreate the beauty that once was, but the vision, once so clear, refuses to be resurrected. It has been supplanted by cold lifeless boulders.

That is what it's like and it's also why those of us with ADHD are often so easily irritated when we are interrupted.

With ADHD It's All or Nothing

My life is a series of:

• Wanting to do it all.
• Succeeding at one or two things.
• Convincing myself that since I succeeded , I CAN do it all.
• Attempting to do it all.
• Being overwhelmed by it all.
• Giving up on it all.
• Getting bored from not doing it all.
• Looking for something interesting.
• Finding everything interesting.
• Wanting to do it all...

Right now, I'm in the "Succeeding at one or two things," phase and working on staying there as long as I can, but there are so many things I want to do!

Scatter Cleaning

That's what I call my method of cleaning house.  It refers to my tendency to start cleaning in one room then get distracted by something in another room so that I wander around the house cleaning all day without finishing a single room. I usually end days like that exhausted and feeling defeated because I didn't finish anything. Well, last Saturday I decided that I'd be happy with what I DID accomplish rather than frustrated by my inability to focus on one single task. Sure, my room still has some clutter and it didn't get vacuumed, but I DID change the sheets and make the bed. The laundry isn't all done, but I DID wash, fold and put away 4 loads. The bathroom isn't spotless, but I DID clean off the counters and change out the towels. I could go on. I was busy all day and didn't complete any one room but I did get a lot done. Given that boost of confidence, I accomplished even more on Sunday - I still didn't finish any room but the house looks better. Sure, it's not
the way most people clean house, but I'm not MOST people! I think I may be on to something if I can keep this up.

What Was I Thinking?

Start a blog about ADHD?  What was I thinking anyway?  It's just another opportunity to fail.  And so I did.  Like so many things, I started out with great intentions along with goals to post every week, if not more. I was going to show my ADHD who is boss! I had it all figured out.
Then, I missed a post.  I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow became next week and then next month and I felt guilty and defeated.  It became just another confirmation that I'm a failure.  So I gave up.  Then things got dark.  Really, really dark.  I went into therapy.  I took anti-depressants, which just made me worse because I needed to FEEL my feelings, not deaden them. I got off of the anti-depressants, continued therapy and learned how to face my feelings. 
Now that I've finally climbed out of that pit, I'm learning what my new "normal" is. Sometimes it's a little scary because, while depression was awful, it was what I was familiar with and change is hard, even when it's change for the better.
So, here I go again, starting something I might not be able to finish, but at least I'm starting and that's something.

Pattern Planning

I hate planning.  It’s just not something that comes naturally.  I’d much rather jump into the middle of something and work in all directions.  The problem with that approach is I get a little bit done here and a little bit done there, but nothing gets accomplished.  Another problem I have is that I have so many things that need to get done that I get overwhelmed and freeze.  Again, nothing gets done.  It’s not that I’m lazy, I just can’t decide.  The more stressed I am, the harder it is to decide.

Enter Pattern Planning.  The concept is simple.  Identify what needs to be done and set up a schedule to do it.  After reading about it in Delivered From Distraction, I decided to give it a try.  I resisted the urge to jump in with both feet and schedule every minute of every day.  Instead, I started simple.  At 5:30 every evening, I would spend 1/2 hour cleaning the kitchen (Shine the Sink – stolen from the Fly Lady).  That’s it.

Well, it’s amazing how much I can get done in a half hour if I really put my mind to it and if I have a deadline!  That first evening, I set my Time Timer for 30 minutes and was very pleased and surprised that I got the task done with time to spare.  The next evening was even better.  Next, I decided to add sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor.  Now those tasks get done almost every evening (yes, sometimes I still slack!)

I have since added a different room each night of the week as well as laundry and a few other tasks.  They are all set up on my Outlook calendar which sends reminders to all of my electronic devices so they’re hard to ignore.  Here’s what my Tuesday evening schedule looks like. 

Yes there are overlaps because depending on how messy the room is, it will take more or less time and you can to all kinds of things while the washer and dryer are running.  Did you notice that nice big chunk of time for crafting?  I used to retreat to my craft room as soon as I got home from work but I couldn’t accomplish anything because I felt guilty about all the things I SHOULD be doing.  On the other hand I didn’t want do what I should do because I knew I’d never get around to crafting.  Now that I have things on a schedule I no longer have that dilemma.

Do I follow my schedule perfectly?  NO.  It’s especially difficult when my job gets in the way.  I work in IT and when things break I work long hours.  I’m just now emerging from three very difficult weeks.  One of my databases got corrupted and I was working 12 to 14 hour days trying to recover what was lost.  Add to that difficulty with team members not wanting to do what they’re told and it’s a recipe for disaster.  By the time I got home each evening I was so drained that I could barely care for myself let alone keep the house clean.  All of my beautiful planning went out the window and I spiraled into a state of depression.  Even after things started settling down at work, I just couldn’t get back on task.  That’s when I really started beating up on myself:  “Other women have careers and keep clean houses, what’s wrong with you?  You’re so lazy!  Why are so SO disorganized???” And on, and on.

So, I scheduled an appointment with my therapist and she helped me put things into perspective.  Now I can see that it was totally unreasonable for me to expect myself to keep up at home when I was working such crazy long hours. I have stopped beating up on myself and I’m giving myself permission to ease back into my schedule gradually.  It’s working, too.  This evening, I skipped some of my daily chores but was able to tackle a heap of miscellaneous kruft that’s been accumulating in the corner of my bedroom for…well, I’d rather not say how long!  Suffice it to say, I saw parts of the floor that I’m pretty sure have not seen the light of day since we moved in 15 years ago.  As a result, I’m feeling pretty good about myself and I’m confident that I’ll eventually get back on track. 

I know there will be more bumps in the road but having a plan to fall back on helps so much.

Oh my!  I’m 20 minutes overdue for craft time.  Gotta go!