With ADHD It's All or Nothing

My life is a series of:

• Wanting to do it all.
• Succeeding at one or two things.
• Convincing myself that since I succeeded , I CAN do it all.
• Attempting to do it all.
• Being overwhelmed by it all.
• Giving up on it all.
• Getting bored from not doing it all.
• Looking for something interesting.
• Finding everything interesting.
• Wanting to do it all...

Right now, I'm in the "Succeeding at one or two things," phase and working on staying there as long as I can, but there are so many things I want to do!

Scatter Cleaning

That's what I call my method of cleaning house.  It refers to my tendency to start cleaning in one room then get distracted by something in another room so that I wander around the house cleaning all day without finishing a single room. I usually end days like that exhausted and feeling defeated because I didn't finish anything. Well, last Saturday I decided that I'd be happy with what I DID accomplish rather than frustrated by my inability to focus on one single task. Sure, my room still has some clutter and it didn't get vacuumed, but I DID change the sheets and make the bed. The laundry isn't all done, but I DID wash, fold and put away 4 loads. The bathroom isn't spotless, but I DID clean off the counters and change out the towels. I could go on. I was busy all day and didn't complete any one room but I did get a lot done. Given that boost of confidence, I accomplished even more on Sunday - I still didn't finish any room but the house looks better. Sure, it's not
the way most people clean house, but I'm not MOST people! I think I may be on to something if I can keep this up.

What Was I Thinking?

Start a blog about ADHD?  What was I thinking anyway?  It's just another opportunity to fail.  And so I did.  Like so many things, I started out with great intentions along with goals to post every week, if not more. I was going to show my ADHD who is boss! I had it all figured out.
Then, I missed a post.  I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow became next week and then next month and I felt guilty and defeated.  It became just another confirmation that I'm a failure.  So I gave up.  Then things got dark.  Really, really dark.  I went into therapy.  I took anti-depressants, which just made me worse because I needed to FEEL my feelings, not deaden them. I got off of the anti-depressants, continued therapy and learned how to face my feelings. 
Now that I've finally climbed out of that pit, I'm learning what my new "normal" is. Sometimes it's a little scary because, while depression was awful, it was what I was familiar with and change is hard, even when it's change for the better.
So, here I go again, starting something I might not be able to finish, but at least I'm starting and that's something.