I wrote this about six months after my diagnosis.
We've been at odds for most of my adult life and I'm tired, so VERY tired of fighting with you. I have a proposition. How about we team up? I know, I've been trying to ignore you for years, but now I'm starting to realize you're not bad. You are after all a large part of what made me feel special as a child and you also gave me extra doses creativity, curiosity and wonder, not to mention my awesome power of hyper-focus. I apologize for allowing outside influences to convince me that being special made me different and that being different meant I was an outcast. I apologize for pushing you aside and embracing insecurity, fear and frustration instead. They have been poor companions.
So, let's get back together. If you will allow me to channel your boundless energy toward constructive activities and direct your fearlessness toward appropriate goals, I promise I will allow you time to wander the forests and meadows in search of butterflies, flowers and hummingbirds.
I will be patient and let you stop and examine with wonder the beauty, symmetry and mathematical perfection of a simple pinecone. If you will lend me your time blindness to help me through day to day chores, I will allow you to obsess over silly things like repairing a 25 year old laundry basket that should have been thrown out 15 years ago.
I will even let you express your emotions when you need to, but I do request that you allow me to exercise a reasonable level of self-control when you do. I realize this will be painful and it may take time to find the keys that unlock those doors, but I'm exhausted from holding them in. In the absence of emotion, my spirit has grown weak and weary and I long to feel whole again.
So, what do you say? I know the road ahead will not be easy and that I will need help along the way. It may take time to discover the right combination of medication, counseling and strategies to enable us to work together, but I also know that if we can make this alliance work we will be able to conquer any obstacle that stands in our way.